Are you enabling your addict?

Addicts are very smart. 

They are cunning, charming, and they know how to get what they want. All addicts share these traits and it is very hard to tell them no. 

The loved ones around them usually do not know that they are helping them use their substance. Loved ones of an addict want to chase them with a pillow and never let them fall. If you want to see them get better you must do the hardest thing and not enable them. 

Enabling definition for addiction

Enabling an addict or alcoholic means that you are making it easy for him/her to continue engaging in undesirable, self-destructive, and, in some cases, dangerous behavior. This can perpetuate the cycle of addictive behavior. It’s pretty easy to enable someone, especially when you love the person.

How do you know if you are enabling or helping? Here is a simple guide of what you might be doing that will potentially to enabling your addict to continue their self destructive behavior. 

While we love the addict and want to protect them, we also have to protect ourselves. 

Signs you are enabling your addict 

• Ignoring your addict's behavior or actions. Sometimes enablers pretend that there isn't a problem in order to keep them from pain. They can be in denial or overlook problems that arise. 
• Blaming other people for the addict's behavior. Believing that the addict is not the one to have accountability for their actions. 
• Lying to your family members about the addict's behavior, with the attempt at protecting the addict and keeping peace. 
• Fight or Flight response. Addicts can cause traumatic events and the enabler will do what they can to avoid the situation or emotions. 
• The addict's needs are above their own. While helping the addict the enabler will neglect their own basic needs. 

Things that you think are helping but they are enabling

• Giving them money. The addict can not use without a means of paying for the substance. If you are giving them money for any reason, they will be using it for their substance. 
• Paying for their bills, groceries, or debt. While you are paying for their basic needs that you are afraid they wont have, they will use their own means to pay for their substances. 
• Bailing them out of jail. When they do illegal activity in order to support their habit, we do not want them to have any pain. These are consequences of their actions that they must be accountable for. 
• Taking care of their responsibilities, like running errands, or babysitting their kids. If the user is a parent, they have a big responsibility to take care of the kids. When you take away their responsibility they will believe that they are able to release responsibility of parenting and use their substance more than they would if they were more accountable. 
• Cleaning their messes while they are high or intoxicated. They need to be responsibility for their own messes to see the consequences.
• Helping them get a job, or lie to their employer to keep them from being fired. 

It is a common phrase that the addict has to hit their "rock bottom" to see any recovery. Although allowing them to have their consequences will allow them to see their consequences and want to change their life, we do not need to wait until they hit their bottom to offer them treatment and support. 

We can not remove the accountability of our loved ones actions. 

What can we do to help our addict's to recovery? 

Although we do not help them use their substance, we can give them praise and support when they are making good choices, and lead them into recovery like a treatment or detox center.  

You must offer them support in recovery but do not force or pressure them into an addiction treatment center. They must have true remorse and the will to change, in order to have true and lasting recovery. 

When the addict goes into treatment you will see great improvements in their behavior and actions. This can make the loved one become more relaxed with the support because they believe they are getting the support they need. We need to still be present and supportive through their process and will continue to get better with love and support. 

Pomarri Recovery Center in Orem is a great resource for you to get treatment for your addict.